


little do you know (you're the light)

by sunflower_8



Series: they'll build their own world with the strings of love [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so proud, Implied/Referenced Depression, M/M, Sad Fluff, Spoilers for Heathers, it's just like, it's the first movie i could think of in this time period okay, mentioned - Freeform, soft gay children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 21:07:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20365096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: he's so scared





	little do you know (you're the light)

the world is dark. the lights are turned off, of course, so that could be the reason, but shuichi saihara doesn’t delude himself into believing that. it isn’t just the world that’s dark. it’s him. he’s dark. or more so, his mind. his thoughts scatter in a mist of static, and he struggles to cling to any of them, to find something beyond the same words repeating the same phrases:

“you’re alone.”

“worthless.”

“give up.”

he doesn’t want to he doesn’t want to he doesn’t want to but there’s only one other person in the house with him, and he’s busy doing some work, so he’s alone in his-- _ their _\-- room. he should do something, he needs to do something so that he doesn’t go insane but he already is, isn’t he? he can’t even move, he can’t will his legs and arms to move. they stay limp and frozen by his side.

“goddammit,” he whispers. the world is closing in on him, it must be-

he hears his door creak open, but his gaze is fixated on the floor. he fiddles with a loose string from the comforter of his bed, resting himself against the headboard.

“hey,” shuichi didn’t have to look up to know it is kokichi. he sits down next to him, resting his head on shuichi’s shoulder.

shuichi clears his voice, forcing himself to speak. “hey.”

“what’s wrong?” 

“nothing. just tired.”

kokichi fixes his large, purple eyes on shuichi’s, giving him a sad smile. “that’s a lie.”

“huh. never thought you’d be the one saying that to me.” shuichi tries to let out a laugh, but it sounds strangled. kokichi puts a hand on his cheek, simply staring at him in silence for a few moments. it’s physically soothing to shuichi, but his thoughts still run wild in his mind, filling his body with grey fog and pressure to stay in one spot and sink further into his numbness. kokichi brushes a strand of hair from his face, and shuichi almost sways to it, as if he’s light and hollow and could be affected by a feathery touch. kokichi frowns. it doesn’t suit his face.

“do you want to do anything? rent a movie? play clue?” kokichi looks around, his eyes landing on a bookshelf. “we still have that agatha christie book, wanna read that?”

“no,” shuichi shakes his head helplessly. tears burn in the corner of his eyes, and god he feels so empty he can’t do this- “i’m sorry.”

“don’t apologize!” kokichi reassures him immediately, opening his arms and wrapping shuichi in a hug. shuichi feels warm liquid spilling down his face, and kokichi runs his fingers through his dark hair as he cries. “we can just cuddle and talk about it. if you want.”

shuichi nods. “i’m sorry. i... i don’t even know why i’m crying, i shouldn’t-”

“don’t suppress it.” kokichi’s voice is more firm than it’s ever been, and shuichi almost wants to apologize again, but he knows that he shouldn’t. “it’s okay. let it out.”

shuichi doesn’t reply, instead allowing himself to cling to kokichi’s sweater and sob. he wants to hide away; he wants to stop showing this side of him to the one person he cares about the most because what if he leaves? what would he do without him? sure, he could manage. he could go back to his uncle and aunt, back to the town that’s always asleep, and be alone. but he doesn’t want that, he _ wants _kokichi to stay and every instinct tells shuichi that he’s driving his soulmate away. he’s scared. he’s so scared and he just feels like crumbling and… and…!

kokichi holds him together, resemblant of the many times shuichi does the same to him, trying to sweep away the dark pieces of the past and convince him of a better and safer future. kokichi is so warm, and his lips press against shuichi’s temple as he whispers comforting words to him, and everything is so soft.

soon, the high dies away, and shuichi finally stops crying. he stays in the embrace, resting his head on kokichi’s shoulder as the latter begins telling stories.

“wanna hear something crazy?”

“yeah. go ahead.”

“okay, okay, so i was walking down the street one day, and i saw these cameras right and i was like _ woah _ that’s pretty wacky. and, y’know, i’m a supreme overlord, so i was slightly concerned that my cover would be blown because of the cameras! but i kept walking, and then i realized i was in the background of the set for like a famous movie! and i was like holy shit, _ is this the set of heathers? _”

shuichi laughs quietly, “what did you do then?”

“what was really great is it was like a murder scene? but it was the gay ones! so i was like, really blending in and like honestly vibing! you weren’t there, so i couldn’t release my full gay potential-” shuichi blushes violently, “but i just kinda ran away to the screams of kurt and ram.”

“sounds like one adventure.”

“i got edited out in the scene in heathers though. shame.”

“we should re-watch it sometime. you can tell me the exact moment you showed up.”

“brilliant idea!”

shuichi smiles, moving his head off of kokichi’s shoulder to look him in the eyes, “thanks, kokichi. i-” he looks down again, forcing himself to be honest. “it doesn’t go away. it... it disappears sometimes, and i don’t know how to get that to happen, but…” he meets kokichi’s eyes again. “you… you really help. a lot. thank you.”

“i love you, shuichi.” a spark of pride hits him, making him smile brightly. over time, kokichi grew a lot more comfortable saying those three words. he no longer associates ‘love’ with the bullshit his parents gave him, and shuichi helped him rediscover the meaning of love. love is what they have. well, what they have is more than that. more than just a simple word or concept. but they’re in love, and that made shuichi so incredibly happy.

“i love you too.”

shuichi rests his head against kokichi’s chest, sighing in contentment when he feels an arm around his shoulders and hears his lover’s heartbeat, both of them constant reminders that he is never going to be alone. his mind is still dark and filled with fear, but he knows he can fight it. he may need small reminders, but he has people in his life that support him when he feels lost or broken, and also support him when he feels okay in his skin. he can do it. he can survive it.

kokichi whispers above him, “you’re smart, beautiful, caring, and kind. and like, really damn cute to the point it’s unfair. anyways, you’re strong, and i love you, and so does the rest of the world. your old friends, your uncle and aunt, my aunt… they all love you too. and none of that was a lie. the heathers thing was totally fake, but none of that was.”

and with that, he falls asleep, feeling safe and protected.

**Author's Note:**

> i love them
> 
> yeah, so this is a pretty big timeskip from "far too young to die (we made it)". i never really discussed shuichi's depression, and i wanted to write some other one-shots of them living together, and so we got this. again, i have to make this disclaimer a lot with this series: nothing about depression is romantic or quirky. from personal experience, and also just from literal common sense, it sucks, and i hate it, and it's hard to fight. but shuichi has a good support system, and he's strong.
> 
> i'm probably going to write some other fics in this series, but i have other fics i'm working on so it may be a while. also, i have to figure out how to write fluff in the mean time, because i don't want every fic in this series to be depressing. i want one order happy soft gays please.
> 
> comments are appreciated, as always.


End file.
